what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
