Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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