Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
