he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
