I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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