Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How's work?
Spinning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
