I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
