Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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