so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
