dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
