i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
