So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
