The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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