I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
