i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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