just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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