Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
