how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
