I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
