Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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