The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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