Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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