Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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