so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
