the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize