drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
