so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My vagina is officially offended.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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