I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize