hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm really busy with my period
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