Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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