ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
