so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
