i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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