apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
