she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
