im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
