why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
