she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
