You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
