Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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