she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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