just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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