He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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