Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I just put wine in my tea
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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