every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
