Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry about my life...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
