Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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