He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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