Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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