he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
