FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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