I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
