Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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