goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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