You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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