we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
