sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
