On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
