ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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