Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
