I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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