Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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