Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
