omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize