My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
