Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
