When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
