Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
