i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
