judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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