Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
