My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
