he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize