my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize