Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
