i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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