You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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