She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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