so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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